What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
