i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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