New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
