We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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