he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
