i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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