Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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