would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
