When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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