Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
