Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
