And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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