So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
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It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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