My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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