You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
