The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
did i just pee glitter
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
