just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
