we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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