accomplished twins. life is a go
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
