Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
