what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
