Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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