I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
