Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.