Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are all done wearing pants today
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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