My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fuck appropriateness.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
