i think i have herpe
just one?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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