FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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