I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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