I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
