i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
