So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
