I forgot how hot balto sounded
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
