dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
