Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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