You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
