..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
