My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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