Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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