remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Found your dick twin last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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