Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
