What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
