I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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