My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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