I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
