She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
