just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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