wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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