my phone needs a breathalizer
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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