He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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