Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
