i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
