I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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