The best revenge is premature balding
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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