do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
