Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
