I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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