how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
