My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
