Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
