I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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