lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
