remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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