What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
