she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
