The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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