if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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