Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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