too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
