So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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