Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
