Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
