I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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