Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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