I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
