Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
one might say we're banned from that church
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
