bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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